Shaking my head once again...

Today i went to the doctor's. For once not for Fingal but to seek advice for myself. Getting Fingal into the Doctor's surgery was the first challenge, he walked off down the footpath heading into town and i had to chase him and force him into the surgery, where he then stood in the corner of the foyer facing the wall for about 2 minutes before starting to play with the catch on the automatic doors. When they shut he would try and walk up and lock it... I again had to force him into the waiting room, where he refused to play with the toys or sit down and walked into the corridor where the doctors rooms were, this took 5 minutes of strict No and forcing him again and again back into the waiting room. Predictably he started to melt down, which i was thankful to the apparent oblivious people in the waiting room- it was like being on a train, your facing each other and hyper-aware but everyone is looking anywhere else. Because there is nothing worse then when your child is loosing the plot over something seemingly not important or even rational and people stare at you like with that impatient 'that child needs discipline/a good wack' look.Yes, you know the one- have more on that. A man did get up and actually move and sit further away. Finally Fingal breaks free from me trying to restrain him- he is 22kilos by the way and the height of an average 6year old- not the 4yrs he is. So Fin goes into the plastic cubby house climbs on top of the plastic hotplates and out the plastic window and stands banging himself against the wall in the corner blocked of by the cubby house.
I move the cubby and he comes out calm like nothings happened.
We then get called into the doctors room and Fingal walks straight past the toy box and goes directly to the Models of organs and skeleton. Doc asks Fingal to move out of that section of the room and play with the toys, which Fin responds with a NO. This goes on for 5 minutes, then finally we get fingal to the Toybox and he picks out a doctors set, and starts to seek my involvement in letting him check me over. When asked to play with the other toys because we are talking he again says No stands up and walks to the 'restricted' area of the office. This turns into another battle of wills between the Doc and Fin. Finally fingal breaks down again, into terrible full body racking sobs. Then he runs off to the toilet and I chase after him. So at this point the doctor have gotten about 3 minutes to actually talk about me and my need for counseling and support for myself so therefore i can support Fingal.

 The Doctor and I decide to make another appointment for next week, and Fingal has finally found a game he is playing quietly like nothing has happened. We leave and he wont return a toy. Finally he puts it back and we walk out to the Reception where Fingal goes back to playing with the automatic doors, then says out loud 'book' and walks over to the table and picks up a book and flicks through it holding it up 3 different ways before putting it down when i call him and we walk out the door. This time he walks off in the other direction of the car, back towards town. I call him 3 times, tell him we are driving to town, and he keeps walking. I chase him and again have to forcibly  move him back to the car, pick him up because hes dropped his body weight and gone limp and put him in his car seat. A woman and a man came out as this was all going on, and as i sighed, quite loudly, she came over and said "you know, i was just saying to my husband, that i wouldn't have a problem if she gave him a slap'. She didnt say it a way that implied he needed more discipline, but in a way that implied that he was being naughty. I explained briefly that Fingal has some kind of Learning and Social disorder and that hitting him would be pointless anyway. She then said, "That must be very hard", and i dont recall the rest of the conversation... and well the rest of the day... much of a muchness really..
So here i sit reading about Audio Processing Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder and i see Fin in both... And i'm overcome with tears once again, wondering 'Am I ever going to get Fingal the help he needs' or is going to be one referral after another for the next 4 years..
I'm so disappointed with the Autism Assessment Team that assessed Fin two weeks ago. But that is another post.

First Post..

I decided to start a blog to guide myself mostly through the journey of parenting. My son Fingal has just been through his Autism Diagnosis, and it was awful! I now find myself crying everyday and without any understanding of how to help my son integrate into society as it is.